It’s Just Me…..Where Do I Begin

(Originally posted September 17, 2017)

It’s just me, Lord, I’ve confessed more times than I can remember.  I love that about my relationship with God. I know he sees me as his daughter, beautifully arrayed in his robes of grace, but in the realness of my relationship with him, I know I can come to him just the way I am, whatever way that may be.  His love is real, pure and makes me complete.  I want the world to know this kind of relationship with God too.  I want each person to know his love and allow his love to make them complete.

So…..where shall I begin?  There was a day when I wondered if I would ever fulfill my dreams in life.  I started out with a good, solid plan, being raised by hard-working, sound-minded parents who believed in setting goals and working towards them. AND, quitting was not an option.  Nevertheless, life has a way of interfering and if one is not steadfast in the pursuit of their dreams, one can get side-tracked and dreams can get derailed.

This is what happened to me.  Much in life comes at a price–sometimes the price is much more than you would ever imagined it would cost.  I’ve never regretted the family God blessed me to raise, but I’ve always had deep within my soul the desire and longing to fulfill what I always believed I was put on this earth to achieve.  Then that day came…

It was 7-1/2 years ago that God woke me up early one morning and as if scenes of a movie were playing in my mind, he reminded me of the events that had transpired over my life and how he had established every moment in time to bring me to this place at this precise time.

He showed me how he had ordained the season I moved with my children to care for my mother during a season she struggled with her health, but that I would only be there for a “few years” and he would move us again- -this time to Oklahoma.  Wow! God gave me two promises in that word.  Not only would he fulfill his plan for my life, he would give me my hopes and dreams, he would also heal my mother, which he did.

Once again, God showed me he’s got it all worked out.  We just have to be willing to see it like he does.  Ha!  Most of the time, much easier said than done.  I’ve lived through many challenging things in my life, such as the death of my dad when I was 19–it turned my world upside down; overcoming an abusive marriage; learning to forgive myself after having two abortions; and raising two children as a single parent, including my son being born with Asperger’s disorder.  So, I learned how to pull up the boot straps and ride out the storm, and I was learning how to obey without delay, but this move was going to be different than any other move I’d made before.

God, in all his sovereignty and (I might add) without asking me what I thought, asked me to move me and my son not only to a different state, but to a town over five times bigger than what we were used to.  I’ve never gotten so turned around in traffic before in my life! What was supposed to be east and west, to me was north and south. Not to mention three lane highways are the norm here, compared to where we came from with two-lane roads being just big enough for two cars to pass each other without driving into a ditch! I could feel my hair turning gray just getting into the car knowing what I would soon face on the streets–and that’s just in town!  That’s not the connected interstates.  Whew!  Honestly, the way the cars move in and out of their lanes, if this were Mayberry, Barney Fife’s eyes would pop out from blowing his whistle non-stop!

But we adapted–finally.  What came as even more of a surprise, rather should I say, more humbling than I had ever found myself be before God was realizing he not only called me to become a credentialed minister, he called me to be a voice for his words and message through dreams and visions.  I knew since I was 9 years old God gave me a voice to sing and would use the gift of music in my life.  In fact, my life-long dream had been to sing—and not just in the shower.   But, my life choices would cause some delay in the manifestation of that dream.  Not that I stopped singing.  I  never stopped completely. But the motivation and direction changed, and I found myself in a holding pattern for a long time.

I learned, as God explained to me, he had not changed his mind and I would sing, but he had actually called me to do much more than just sing.  God told me he chose me to speak the words he would give me to say at his choosing. Some would think the work of a prophet to be long gone—applying only to the days of the Old Testament.  I must say, it’s pretty surreal, but still very much alive and relevant even today.  And, I might add, its by God’s choice and his doing, not ours.  That revelation was almost more than I would take in.  At the same time, as God started rolling the footage of the movie of my life again and putting the pieces together, I once again realized, it really wasn’t about me at all.  It never had been.  My life had been about him positioning me, preparing me, restoring and establishing me for such a time as this to be a voice to the nations, and this he planned long before we moved to Oklahoma.  “Souls will be saved and lives will be changed because of your life” is what God told me.  That’s what it’s all about.

I asked God once, “Why me?”  His answer, “Why not you?”  God chooses.  We don’t….not really.  I don’t ask that question anymore.  Instead I say, “May your perfect will be done. Thank you, God for choosing me.”

So where was I?? I’ve heard myself say many times, “I was waiting on God.”  In truth, he was waiting on me.   Like so many of us, I was taking care of my family and working to do my best to bring light into this world of darkness in my area of influence.  The picture gets clearer through the process of learning, understanding and growing.

This is why I named this blog Every New Beginning.  Because, with each new day, we have a new beginning. Some dramatic, some not so much. But with each one, we face the challenge of choosing to rise up in newness of life or be pulled down into complacency and defeat.  So, on this blog, there will be more about me, what I think and more importantly, what God wants us to know in this season.

This is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long!

Hope you enjoy.


One thought on “It’s Just Me…..Where Do I Begin”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *